


Of Losses and pain

by Iamsuperconfused



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sanvers Sex, Mention of Snapper Carr, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Ungaran
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsuperconfused/pseuds/Iamsuperconfused
Summary: Lena Luthor notices that Supergirl / Kara is having issues with a few things, after a call with Alex to figure things out, she heads to Kara's apartment to comfort her and gets there just in time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I have one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but never got around to do it: Kara's PTSD after losing her entire planet and culture and seeing Krypton die. I wanted to make a Supercorp hurt/comfort, but you can make it with Alex or with anyone you want, I'm giving you free reign.
> 
> Prompt from Sporadicpenguinpizza on tumblr

Lena notices it, of course she does. But it takes a while for her to realize what it is, three times. The first time, is when Supergirl ran off very fast after setting her down, following Metallo’s explosion, she could hear the screams of the complete break down just before the sound proof doors shut behind her. She had meant in inquire, but she had her own trauma to deal with at that moment. 

The next time she had taken notices about Kara’s issues was the day after she was thrown over her own balcony, she noticed her friend’s arms and hands shaking, getting easily startled by random things, almost as if she was hallucinating. Lena invited her back into her limousine to give her a ride back home, but the moment Kara got in, she asked to get out and decided to get back on foot. 

And finally, She noticed just how clingy Kara was right after they were done dealing with Beth and Jack, refusing not to be touching Lena, refusing to let her go, even past the romantic tension, even past the physical tension. Kara had tried to conceal her tears when Lena had to just get up to grab a glass of water. 

Now she was looking at the phone number before her, she knew Kara’s sister would have clearer answers to her questions, but Alex risked being much more guarded than most others. Nonetheless she hits the dial button and let the phone ring a few times. 

“Hello?” Alex answers, sounding a little out of breath, the unmistakable sounds of bothering someone at the worst possible time, Lena rolled her eyes and started to blush. 

“I understand that this is a bad time, but, I wanted to ask something about your sister, if I could have five minutes of your time.” she cleared her throat, stumbled over a few words, but pressed on.

“Okay, what’s the problem?” Alex was prudent and pulled Maggie closer, the girl buried her face into her side. 

“Look, I know Kara’s Supergirl” Cue Maggie laughing and Alex slapping her ass, playfully.“I’ve known that for a while, I’ve noticed a few symptoms of PTSD from her and rather intense ones. Is there anything to do when she freeze or when she gets er...” she clear her throat a bit there. “Physically clingy past the point of comfort ?” Lena’s voice was already shaking a bit. 

“Talk about food, order, don’t go, avoid vehicles for your insurance’s sake” she takes a moment to think up a few things. “Watching something works, but if you watch a movie, stay away from star wars, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy or disaster movies.” 

There is a long pause with silence between the two of them, but they listen at each other. Alex is thinking about what else could work and Lena is trying to put pieces together. “If you don’t mind me asking, what prompted these symptom?” 

“I thought you’d know, but Krypton was destroyed” Alex explained.  
“I never heard of Superman or his Alter Ego suffering from that ? From Lex’s notes of course.” she said with a little sigh in her voice. 

“Kara was barely into her teen when she was put on a pod, she remembers Krypton and her life there, Superman was a baby when he left, he doesn’t remember.” Alex explained, Maggie had this sad face now, sitting up and hugging Alex from the side. 

“W-why are you trusting me?” she asked with a meek voice, Lena was already regretting asking this, closing her eyes. 

“She trust you, she risked her life to save you, the least I can do is to provide you with information about how to help her back. I’m wary, I won’t lie, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt” 

“I thank you, miss Danvers, enjoy your evening.” Lena shuts her phone down before Alex could protest. 

Lena stood from her desk, moving out of her office, asking Jess to cancel out every appointment later in the day, citing an assassination attempt as the reason for the cancellation. She took her car out and drove through the city, peeking to the sky from time to time, hoping to maybe catch a glimpse of Supergirl. 

She started sending text messages after a while, warning Kara that she was coming over her apartment, there were no answers. Lena drove faster, getting to the familiar apartment. She knocked a few times, no answers, but she could hear movement inside, so she waited for a bit. No answer. 

“Kara!” at that moment, the door unlocked, Kara behind it taking a few steps back to let Lena in, the apartment was clean really, but there was something off about it. Lena couldn’t quite place it. 

Kara on the other hand, she could place what was happening, there was this empty expression, her eyes red from crying. Quickly, there’s pain and fear in her expression and she recoils from Lena’s touch. “You know...” she said, sounding more accusatory than she meant. 

“I do.” Lena took a step back, tensing, nodding to Kara. “I’ve known for a while, I wanted to respect your secret and I didn’t know... I didn’t know how to break it to you.” her explanation sincere, but her delivery very nervous. 

“Alex told me I... why ...” she shake her head. “I want to be alone.” Kara said, speaking the biggest lie of her life, Lena saw through it easily, because it was also her biggest lie, she risked a step toward Kara, that’s when she saw the thing that bothered her, a little greenish gleam against the walls at the back. 

“Kara oh god, no no” she held at her, firmly, knowing her body would not let her stop Kara if she wanted to follow through. “Please, no.” 

It took Kara just a second to realize what Lena had seen, what Lena had figured out by just the tiny detail. A box with a glowing kryptonite blade, a tiny thing, but enough to pierce her skin, enough to hurt herself, enough to kill herself. She kept that box secretly over the years, she knew she’d need it some day, when the pain just needed to stop. When she realized Lena was trying to stop her from using it, Kara started crying, crumbling to the ground. 

Shame, pain and despair overtaking her mind, hugging at Lena a little too tightly, though Lena didn’t say anything, she stopped hugging her after a while, afraid of hugging her too hard, which only caused her to cry louder and let out a rage-filled scream. “please let me go, I can’t feel this alone anymore.” 

Lena did not let her go, she did not release her hug, she did not give up trying to stop her. “You’re not alone, even in your pain Kara, please stay” Lena was already crying, holding herself close to Kara “Who’s going to save me if you’re gone. you’re my hero, my friend, please.” 

Kara fell on the ground, curling into herself and letting Lena hold her, finding it in herself to stay, to cling, to not let her friend go through loss as well.


	2. For a hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara talks. (Kara Talks a lot and Lena get a little terrified)
> 
> WARNING: Angst ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did not watch 2x19 yet, probably heavy canon divergence, dont care. *hands on ear* LALALAALALALA

It takes a while before both their tears dry, before both of them regains enough courage to even make a sound, Kara forces herself up the ground and walks slowly toward her couch and she winces as the Kryptonite takes a hold on her, making her stumble. “Lena...close the box.” 

Lena stands as well, hurrying to the box, the greenish gleam reflecting all over the walls around her and on her skin. It is a small blade, there are green vials beside and another device right beside it, something from Krypton that Lena does not quite place. She shuts the box hard and hides it under the bed. 

Immediately, Kara seems to feel better, breathing a sigh of relief. “Lead lined box, keep it in a safe out of my apartment.” she said, a defeated tone, flopping on the couch, completely motionless. 

Lena busies herself, grabbing glasses of water for them both, settling down on Kara’s couch, pulling her into her arms, much like they did on the couch of her office. “Do you want to order food?” To her surprise, Kara shakes her head and just seems ready to cry again. 

“No, I...” Kara sets her glass down. “I just want everything to stop” tenses and her eyes gleam with the heat vision for a moment, Kara quickly makes it fade away. Lena starts rubbing Kara’s back, the girl of steel just yells “JUST STOP!” 

Lena removed her hand, terrified and taking a scoot back on the couch, avoiding touching her. She remained quiet, silent, listening and keeping her hand on her cellphone, in case she required some help of her own, not that the help would get here in time. 

“I can’t... I CAN’T just fake like I’m okay right now... I can’t” she takes deep breath and tries nonetheless. “Why are you here ?” she asked Lena, turning to look at her friend, lip quivering 

“I noticed you were wounded.” she points at Kara’s heart, but does not dare gets her fingers close to her. “I noticed how you reacted to some of our encounters and their circumstances.” she speaks softly, her voice shaking from emotions and fear. “Tell tales sign of PTSD... and I inquired with your sister as to why.” 

Kara stared and curled up on herself, shaking her head, scooting away from Lena, noticing she was scared of her. Kara did not mean to scare her, but at the moment, her own hurt blinded her terribly and she could only find it in herself not to make it worse. 

“I knew about Krypton, but I did not know you... were aware of the loss this keenly, this.. personally. I had assumed a similar relation to it as Superman” she explains, clinical, calm, keeping the professional mask up for the moment. “I want to offer my help, anyway you want it Kara.” 

“I got here way after him.” Kara explained, shrugging her shoulders. “I was supposed to watch over him, I was supposed to be here for his life.” she said with a little sigh, wiping at her eyes. 

“Why didn’t that happen?” Lena asked, curious, realizing too late that she might not be helping with her questions. Kara reacted to that one with silence for the moment, only a very light shrug returned. 

“He doesn’t know anything about Krypton’s society, just footnotes in a file, his mind is almost entirely human. Kryptonian do things much differently, Clark would feel like an Alien in Kryptonian society. He’s... individualist, we’re communal, it changes a lot I found.” she sniffle and shake her head “HE can blend in just fine, because HE’s not just faking it all the time. HE’S really like this...human” a soft shake of her head. “I-- don’t know how to feel real. Lena, all I do I ... feel there is some kind of lie about it” 

Lena nods once, leaning forward and listening to Kara, risking a reach with her hand, which Kara took, her blazing anger subsided. She does not talk, she does not ask, she simply listen. Running her thumbs over Kara’s hand. 

“I had panic attacks when I rescued you” she trembles for a moment “because it felt like I felt in my pod escaping Krypton.” she closes her eyes and tears roll down “the Kryptonite blast from Metallo... the last second rescue from the balcony... and the ... the damn nanomachines made me feel so restrained, the pod was very small.” she rambles about the pod for a while, incoherently. 

Lena listens, unable to loosen her hand from Kara’s grasp now, the pressure was slowly getting a bit much, a touch of a wince on her face, but the pain was bearable. She could hold on for her friend if she needed it. 

“Wh-when I landed on earth... It’s him who opened the pod...” she winces“My cousin went and had a life without me, he made it without me, he didn’t need me.” She open her eyes and stare into Lena’s eyes. “He was in the middle of dealing with... Lex when I came in” she whimpers, scared that her friend would leave. 

Lena was hurt, but not by Kara’s words, she was already putting two and two together, she had never heard of Kara before, nor did she hear Lex mention anything about Superman having a cousin or anything. That meant Kara had to grow up without him somehow. 

“He left me with the Danvers, I crossed the stars, alone, just to be with him and keep him safe and... he just left me” she blinks away few tears. 

“It’s Lex’s fault, if he hadn’t been so demented about Superman, I’m sure he would’ve kept you around.” Lena said, trying to reassure Kara, her eyes heart heavy, her eyes filled with tears to the brim. 

“N-no, it’s my fault” that took Lena by surprise, because try as she might, as much a genius as she might be, she could not possibly piece together how any of thise could be Kara’s fault, but she did not interrupt her friend, she simply squeezed her hand comfortingly. 

“Back on Krypton, I was with my mom and my father and they were explaining what was happening to me, where they were sending me, what I had to do once on earth.” she sniffles “when my mom sent me to my pod” sniffle and shiver. “I turned around and asked her for a hug... I didn’t want to go without a hug...” Kara was starting to Panic now. 

Lena took back her hand and took a bit of distance from Kara, silently watching on as she crumbled completely into an emotional pile of dust. 

“So I got a few hugs in, but.. it took time for me to get to my pod because I just wanted one more hug and... when I finally got off Krypton” she took a few long minutes to calm herself down, realizing that she was scaring Lena again. “After I got off Krypton, it ...it exploded” she looked out the window. “the shock wave knocked my pod off course and well, it got me here late.” 

“I don’t understand where the fault is.” Lena said, trying to be as soft as she could there, almost paralyzed by the intensity of her friend’s shaking. 

“If I hadn’t asked for hugs after hugs, If I hadn’t wasted my last few moments on Krypton, I would have gotten off sooner, I might have had the chance to avoid the explosion” she said, crying as she talked. “because I asked for hugs, I got here late!” 

“Lena, if I had been here, maybe you wouldn’t have lost Lex! Because I wanted a hug!” Kara hid her face into her hands, Lena shook her head, holding Kara close now, letting her cry. “if I had been there, maybe what happened with Lex and Superman wouldn’t have happened” 

“You should not have to regret wanting one last hug when you were what? Twelve? Thirteen?” Lena sounded firm. “I miss Lex, I am sad to see what happened of him and maybe Superman has a part in this. but you, Kara Danvers, do not.” she kiss her temple, trying to be of some comfort. “It is not your fault that a world exploded, it is not your fault that your pod got knocked away.” then Lena knelt in front of Kara, prying her hand from her face, staring in the tear-filled eyes with her own. 

“Kara, you do not get to regret getting a hug from your mother, there is NOTHING wrong with a child wanting a hug from their MOTHER.” her own childhood pain fueling her little angry burst there, her gaze steel when Kara looked back. “No matter the situation.” 

“please stay with me tonight, I... I don’t want to be alone.” Kara whispered, sobbing the words out, Lena nodded, hugging Kara warmly. tonight was going to be a long night, but they would make it through.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena Arrange for a therapy session for Kara and then the girl of steel meets her therapist.

The morning came, the sunlight poured through the windows and woke up the two women. Kara had slept with Lena’s shoulder as her pillow, Lena had her head laid way back against the back of the couch. Both woke up with a grunt of pain from their awkward posture through the night. 

“I’m sorry” is the first thing Kara said, peeking at Lena who was sending text on her phone, already, she tried to get up from the couch, but her friend put a hand on her leg, shaking her head.   
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, I understand “ 

“I scared you a lot last night, Lena, that’s not okay” Kara said with a soft, weak voice, looking at the floor before her. 

“You were in crisis last night and I understand, okay?” she rubs her back gently, hesitantly. “We ought to find you a therapist that can help you out, you can’t go through things like these without help” 

Kara sigh “try finding one that’ll understand my situation.” 

Lena tilt her head “National City is a haven for several aliens, experts are rising in the field, the government even has branches specifically to deal with them” 

“Yeah, you’re right, my mom’s an astrobiologist” she run her finger through her hair “can you help me find one ?” Kara poked at Lena’s shoulder shyly.

“In exchange for breakfast and coffee” Lena said with a thin smile, adjusting her hair. 

“Good” Kara stands and goes to the kitchen, starting breakfast, a lot of food was being prepared, Lena seemed a bit surprised by the amount. A few of their dates before now making a bit more senses. 

Throughout making breakfast, Kara checked her phone, she had several messages from Alex asking for updates, if she was okay and the like. She spend a moment sending a quick explanatory text about last night. When Alex replies with worries and offers of help, Kara mention trying to find a therapist to her sister. 

::Kara the DEO has therapists that can help you!::   
::They’re human and I want someone I can relate to on that end.:: 

The texting just kind of stops after that, Kara imagine her words sent her sister into panic or a depression episode of some kind and she grits her teeth, finishing breakfast. 

Lena was reading through the various source she could find on her phone, having gone to freshen up a bit before. “There are several therapist that are covering humans and aliens but the reviews from the Alien side are... not glowing.” Lena sit up and stretches a bit. “One has good reviews, the rate are astronomical, they’re Ungarans and I don’t quite think they understand how money work.” 

“They’re red skinned aliens, no special abilities that I can think up of.” she nods a few times, serving food to Lena and eating the rest of what she had prepared from the counter. “thank you for helping me, Lena.” she said with a soft sigh following.

Lena was already dialing the number she had found, letting the phone ring and ring until a very strange voice answered “Nuban-As, Extra Terrestrial psychiatrist services, what can I do for you?” 

“I am calling for a friend, I know how this sound, but, nonetheless, I wish to call upon your services to deal with traumatic events, suicidal ideation and panic attacks.” Lena explained, Kara was blushing and sighing a little bit there, squirming. 

“Very well, that is very much within my power, I do not, however take earthling patients, which is why my rate are so high.” the red skinned alien explained. “Is your friend an Extra-terrestrial being.” 

Lena looked up to Kara, mouthing the question and Kara mouthed her own answer back. “As long as you are willing to keep her Identity a secret, she will be happy to explain that in person to you, but yes, she is an Extra Terrestrial being.” 

“Very well, then you will find my rate much more acceptable” the Ungaran gave his rates, still high for certain, but nothing that would even bleep on the Radar for Lena. 

“Alright, you will be paid, when would you be available for the appointment?” 

“I do not have a lot of patients, so tomorrow at 10 would work for me, I can offer paperwork to excuse the client from work.” 

“Very well, thank you for your time, she will be there then.” 

=====================================================================

Kara walked up the stairs of the commercial building, her ears still ringing from the earful she got from Snapper for calling off today, her adrenaline still pumping from resisting the urge to just shout down the truth down his throat until he vomited it back up, her mind still pulsing with her anger, with her pain and flashes of her imagination about what she’d do to him under red kryptonite. The steps taken upon the wooden stairs started to feel like the ticking of a clock, the heat at her core making this feel like a countdown to a detonation. 

Lena had been kind enough to get her driver to take her there, force her to eat a bit at breakfast despite her (ridiculous) claim that she wasn’t hungry. Food never tasted as good when she felt like this. Lena however, had been scared of her again when Kara had set down her phone after calling Snapper to call off the day. Kara had insisted Lena leave her be for a while, scaring Lena was not something she was happy or proud of. 

Reluctantly, Lena had agreed to leave her friend be for a while, taking off to work. Making sure to send text messages to Kara when she could during lull in the C.E.O.’s day. Insisting that Kara could not scare her through text messages. The latest little beeping sound from Kara’s phone made her think that it sounded like a bomb getting disarmed from a remote distance, after sending just a single smile emoji as a reply, she was entering the business office of the Ungaran psychiatrists. 

The red-skinned, bald alien was already waiting in the waiting room, not a lot of patients by the looks of it. He seemed surprised by the sight of the young blonde reporter, his face quizzical and curious, he moved closer. “Are you here by mistake, Miss Danvers, was it ? I am expecting a patient” The Alien knew about her? Kara smiled just a little bit at the recognition and she let out a little sigh. “Your work kept me and some of my patient safe, Miss Danvers, of course I know who you are.” 

“I am your appointment, Nuban-As” she said speaking in the Ungaran language, a broken and heavily accented, the red skinned man stared for a moment.

“I was told to expect an extra terrestrial being, is there something I should know?” He asked, motioning for her to follow him, into his office proper. Indicating the couch she could lay in on, taking a seat as well on a heavy-looking chair, made of dark wood and red cushions. 

Kara followed but remained standing for a moment, shuddering as she struggled with the moment of revelation, her hand trembling, her lips too. She took off her glasses and set them down, thinking for a moment to reveal her suit underneath, but she really did not feel like being supergirl.

“You have my absolute commitment to your privacy, Miss Danvers, I will not reveal anything to anyone.” He spoke reassuringly. 

“I....the words aren’t coming out, I don’t know what to say.” Kara was shaking more there, the realization that she did not know what to say to someone about who she was, how to tell someone who she was, none of her name felt real, everything felt like a lie. 

“Then let me help you, Miss Danvers.” he leaned forward on his desk and looked at his patient’s face studying the blonde woman curiously, he still was not sure what kind of Extra Terrestrial Being she could be. Perhaps a Martian? “What is your birth name ?” He asked, knowing that the name would clue him in, knowing that this was a simple answer to give if it was known, of course. 

Kara hesitated, the question made it easy for her to decide what to say, she removed her hair pins, the bands that held her hair in place, letting the soft blonde curls cascade down around her shoulders and she sighed, opening her eyes and staring into the Ungaran before her. “My birth name is Kara Zor-El, I come from Krypton” a soft little smile come from her, one tainted with sadness. 

The Ungaran’s eyes widen at the surprise, he indicate the couch with a hand gesture. “Such a sad story your people have, Miss Zor-El, let me help you.” 

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara goes to Therapy with Nuban-As.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am basing this off of my own experience in therapy and what I can find online, please consult an expert if you are in need of help.

Kara laid upon the couch, eyes staring up at the ceiling, legs crossed and hand behind her head, taking deep, rythmic breath and trying to sooth her own aching soul and mind. She waited, letting the silence settle into the room, waiting until the Nuban-As speaks to her. Occasionally, her lips tremble from a sudden surge of emotions. 

“Let us start with your suicidal thoughts, if you would allow me to start there ?” Asking with his strange, raspy voice. He was writing, doodling onto a piece of paper, to keep his mind sharp and focused on the woman’s words. He knew this was a touchy topic to approach first, he knew this had the potential to go south fast, but he reasoned that the sooner they could adress this, the faster she could be kept safe. 

“Why?” She wasn’t sounding upset, just mildly annoyed, she wasn’t even sure why herself, this nagging, bothersome feeling tugging at the string of her heart, the strange pull of pain at the tip of her finger and her muscle, reminder that the green material had affected her recently. 

“There is not a lot of things on this planet that can end your life with ease.” he explains, looking over to her. “I imagine acquiring the means was a significant investment on your part.” he reflects. “Which would suggest that this is not a momentary affair, but an elaboration on something you foresee having.” he pauses. “It is not a simple passing thought, it is a project. And if taking your own life is this important to you, then I am absolutely required to at least attempt to adress the issue before it becomes fatal.” 

“It’s... not quite like that.” said shyly, her face contorting at the pain it drudged up, taking a moment to resist the pain and the tears. “I live longer than humans, okay? A lot.” she explains and squirm uncomfortably. “Or rather, I age much slower.” she waves offer the pedantic difference. “I don’t... I never want to live without my family, without my sister...” 

“Does she knows ?” Nuban-As asked, doodling something on the paper before him, adding a few questions marks, each in a different patterns, to help him remember the questions he was slowly thinking of while his patient spoke. “You took the time to specify your sister, she’s important to you?” 

“She knows about my being an alien yes” 

“No, I meant about your suicidal approach to her lifespan?” 

“I hope not.” she shake her head and cover her face with both her hands, sobbing a little bit more before calming herself. “I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to, I planned to end it when she would go”. 

“You think about her dying a lot?” He took a few more notes there, writing in his language, doodling a few more things beside. 

“Yes. She lives a dangerous life. She is often caught in fights with my own enemies.” She shakes a little bit and nod, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “She take cares of me” 

“Is that the woman who called me to set up the appointment ?” 

“No, that was a friend of mine.”

“Why do you want to go when your sister goes?” He asked, watching her react to the questions. And the results are immediate, Kara just start crying, sobbing. Nuban-as hands her a box of tissues and lets her calm herself and answer, taking his time. 

“Because there’s only her.” she manages to speak out. “Because no matter whoever else comes into my life, it’s.... It’s never like Alex.” she let more tears pour out. “I had my adopted parents for a bit, but, when that father went away I... sort of gave up hope for my mother too, I knew she would go next.” 

She takes a few long breathe, wiping her tears and she sigh heavily. “But Alex, I... I connected with her, I was going to have her for a while and she felt like a sister, for real.” she smiles. “I flew her out to the sky at night sometimes.” she explains and sighed at the lovely memory. “With her, I feel like she’s a part of me and I don’t think I could... find this anywhere else.” 

“Let me reassure you, Miss Zor-El, you are wrong.” He explains a softer edge to his voice. “The only thing stopping you from connecting to these people is your fear of losing them” he was going to say more, but he held back when Kara seemed to wince at it, letting her talk first. 

“I don’t want to feel the pain of losing everyone again, I don’t want that pain ... and I don’t want to be alone even worse” She struggled to remain still on the couch “So what’s left ? What else is there for me here if not just pain?” 

“You are so overwhelmed by your pain and the fear of experiencing more of it that you are forgetting the good days, the victories, the celebrations.” Nuban-As said, calmly, expertly. “There is not only victories in your public history, Miss Zor-El, I remember defeats and terrible moments as well, but the people of National City and the world, remember you and your deeds fondly.” he clear his throat. “You need to make the attempt to see yourself as others do, ask your sister, ask your friend what they see when they look at you” 

“El mayarah, Stronger together.” she mumble to herself there, nodding a little bit and sit up and stare ahead, silent and her breathing more in control than she was a moment ago. 

“This session is almost over, Miss Zor-El, but I do have some parting words and a task for you for the next session.” he waits until his patient gives him her attention fully. “I want you to talk to your sister about the suicidal thoughts and I want you to tell her everything, for your own safety. That is your task” he pauses, letting his request fall into her mind and watching her intently, relieved when she nodded. 

Kara stood up and left, nodding and walking outside of the office, without looking back, putting her glasses back on only as an after thought. But leaving her hair loose. Nuban-As ran after her moments later, giving her the paper work for her to be excused from work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Lena, Kara and Alex sit down to have a angsty awkward talk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk between Kara, Alex and Lena about the events of the past chapters. Slightly lighter angst and probably enough fluffy to fluff your fluff.

It takes Kara a few days before she manages to gather the courage to approach her sister with this. Because her sister is happy, her sister is finally living, because they’ve had a few harsh fights recently. So one late night, after the action was all over and the last debriefs were had and Alex was on her way out. Kara rushed after her sister, putting a hand on her shoulders. “Alex!” 

Her sister turns around, a little smile, a little air of worry. “Are you alright Kara?” she puts her hand over the hand on her shoulder and squeeze. Studying her little sister and she could tell fear was settling into her blue eyes. She spoke softly “Kara, what is it, you can talk to me.” the encouragement was sincere, the worry deep now, because her sister had this little face she kept to help her from crying. 

“A-lex I need to talk with you, can you come over to my place tonight ? Alone? I... I’m sorry if you had plans... but I _really_ need a moment with you.” Kara struggled to keep her emotions in check and she managed it after a few moments of Alex rubbing her back. 

“I’ll run by my apartment to grab a change of clothes and then I’ll be over at ... 8 is that alright ?” Alex said, that meant just walking in and out of her apartment and a small conversation with Maggie if she was home this early. Kara nodded, kissing her sister on the cheek and flying out the window and into the National City night sky. 

~~~

Lena was already at Kara’s apartment when she got there through the window, sitting on her couch and paperwork spread around her there, details of a new deal coming from L-corp. Kara walks by the couch to give a quick hug to Lena. “thank you for being here, Alex should come around 8“ then she walks off to go change. She returns about two minutes later, wearing a print-less sweater and a pair of pink shorts, flopping down onto the couch right beside Lena. 

“Are you sure you want me here ?” Lena asked, looking hesitant to Kara and smiles a little bit, running her hand down and up Kara’s back. “I mean, it’s a big conversation to have with your sister, I’m not sure why you want me here.” Lena kept rubbing Kara’s back very gently, trying to help her retain control of her emotions. 

“I want you here because I’m not going to be able to handle Alex’s reaction on my own. I need you here because there are things... I need to tell you too and I want my sister to hear them as well.” she clear her throat, pushing down a rush of emotions and takes a few deep breath to calm herself. She looks over at the lead-lined box, the one that contained the Kryptonite blade, and vials. 

Lena acquiesce there and stands up, going to grab the food she had previously ordered for when her friend got home, starting to share the food from the bags and into plates, leaving some for Alex when she’d join them. The clock ticks down toward 8 PM and Kara’s stomach turns and twist when she hears Alex’s footstep, her heartbeat, her breathing. 

A knock on the door, Kara opens almost immediately, smiling at her sister. Large sweater, jeans and boots, she’s carrying a box of Donuts and shove the box into Kara’s arms. “Maggie sends the donuts and ask you to leave one for me at least.” A small joking tone. Kara chuckles and nods. Lena watches from a distance, smile on her lips, the sisters were a sight together. 

The Alex sees Lena, she’s surprised, stunned for a moment and she gives Kara little confused look, but not one of anger. Lena gives her a little wave and an uneasy smiles. “Hey” for a moment, Alex was wondering if this was a coming out thing, but, she knew Kara would probably not be in the kind of distress if that was the case.

Kara sigh and scratch the back of her head. “I wanted her here for this...It made sense in my head, okay” she was about to make more excuses but Alex shakes her head, kissing her sister’s cheek. 

“Good evening Lena.” Alex said, casually, sitting down on the couch and stealing the plate that she, rightly, assumes to be hers. “Don’t worry I... think I understand why you’re here.” Lena looks to Kara, then to the lead-lined box and then to Alex again. “I hope so, I’m not completely sure myself.” 

Kara sat between the two women on the couch, finishing picking her plate clean from food, with her eyes closed for most of it. Listening to their heartbeats, listening to their voices as they exchanges pleasantries over their days. There is a soft smile on Kara’s face for a while and for the first time since her last crisis, she feels genuine relief. She reaches for the box and sets it on her lap, Lena stops talking there and she gets nervous. 

“Oh boy, this is going to be a big one isn’t it.” Alex asked, worried and curious, thinking there might be jewelry of some kind in the box. “Hit me with it, I can take it.” the look Lena gave her shattered all of her theories about the content. Kara cleared her throat.

“I... went to my therapy session, like I told you. Nuban As.” she takes a deep breath. pushing down tears “Nothing’s solved yet, but, this is ...a big thing I need to do.” she turns the box’s opening toward Alex, wincing a little bit as the reveal causes her body to react violently to the Kryptonite. 

Lena winces too, frowning at the pain this causes her friend. Alex’s eyes open wide and she reach to slam the box closed, hard and takes the box away from Kara. “Where did you find this blade, someone is trying to kill you?” she asked, nervous

“I got it from the D.E.O. before they got rid of the stuff, like, before Myriad happened.” she said with a soft voice and she looks at the ground before her. “I took the briefcase from General Lane for the vials when everybody was recovering from the headache.” she clear her throat and her lips is already wobbling. “I took them because...” she takes a deeper breath and tries to force the words out. “I took them because I was planning to use them on myself.” she wanted to explain more but no more words were coming out. Kara wasn’t even crying, just...struggling with her emotions.

Lena squeeze Kara’s hand, watching Alex’s reaction, Kara is just staring at the ground, unable to look at her sister, shame written all over her face and she remain quiet, still, even her breathing slows. For a moment, the only sound she heard was Alex’s heart start to accelerate very intensely, loudly. 

Alex’s face twisted with pain and she set the box aside, pushing it further away from her sister and wrapping her arms around her shoulders and neck, holding her. “Kara why didn’t you tell me!? Please, please don’t go.” holding her sister as firmly as she could, barely containing her sobbing. 

Lena felt like the awkward third wheel, exactly as she thought she would, reaching to squeeze Kara’s shoulder, but, to her surprise, Alex peered over her shoulder with tearful eyes and reached for Lena’s hand, for a short moment there, a squeeze and a run of thumbs over knuckles, before breaking away. 

“I... I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to take it away... because...I didn’t want you to know why...you’ve done enough for me.” she takes a deep breath and squeezes Lena’s hand in hers. “Because I... because I can’t be alone Alex! I know you’ve already thought about it, Alex.” she clear her throat a few times. “I think about when you’ll be gone... a lot. And you’re the only person I... feel connected to, the only person I’ve let myself connect to and if I lost that I.... I didn’t want to be all on my own, I lost my world and I didn’t need to lose another.” 

Lena’s heart squeezed a bit, hurt and sore by the words, but she knew they weren’t meant to do that, she knew that Kara had asked her to be there and she would. her own emotions would wait damnit. She discreetly wiped a tears at the sheer volume of intensity the situation had. touched that she could be a witness to it. 

Alex was sobbing into Kara’s shoulder and clung to her sister, hard, holding her against her. “No no no Kara, please, don’t take yourself away from the world, your friends and your family like that.” she rock her sister a bit. “I’m taking this box back to the D.E.O. or to Kal” 

“I feel you drifting away Alex... I feel you slipping through my fingers.” She continued, calming herself a little bit. “You finding yourself and being with Maggie... the way we... dealt with Jeremiah’s stuff...” she clear her throat. “And... It hurts so bad, but I know, I know, If I try to keep things like they were, it won’t work.” she sniffles. “I know I need to connect with other people, Alex, or I won’t... I won’t survive.” she clear her throat. “But I don’t want to let you go, I want you in my life Alex.” the way she repeated the name over and over was somehow comforting her. 

Lena listened, carefuly, silently, retaining tight control over her own emotions, withholding tears and cries, only offering a gentle squeeze of her hand and soft runs of her hands over Kara’s back. She doesn’t speak, but Alex and her makes eye contact for a moment and that’s when it dawns on her. Kara asked her to be there because she wanted this connection with her, because she wanted Lena to be this important to her too. 

“I’m not going anywhere Kara, I’m not.” she doesn’t let go of Kara, remaining in the hug as long as she can and so far, Kara isn’t letting go either. “I know I live a dangerous life, I know you’re seeing me growing a bit older, you’re always so sad when you leave my birthday parties.” a soft chuckle. “And about Maggie, I... I really appreciate your maturity there, but I can still find moments for you, I can work time into my life for the both of you. Dad we can... work past this later, this isn’t critical right now.”

Lena takes a deep breath and, decides to speak up. “You’re afraid of having to grieve, I’m not even sure you know how...” Alex nods and adds to this, finally releasing the hug. “If all you think about is losing the person you’re connecting to, it will always scare you to connect...” she pat her back “So instead think of all the joy you’ll get with that person, try to guess, it’s... like a birthday present in each person?” 

Lena and Kara both chuckle at the comparison and the tension in the air is eased a little bit. Kara takes a moment to breathe, fan herself with her hand to dry her tear for a moment. Alex is setting the plate aside, because, this conversation is probably just starting, from the look of this. Alex watches Lena and Kara and smiles, remaining quiet. 

Kara takes a deep breath. “I want to connect with you Lena.” she clear her throat after and Lena smiles a little bit, shyly and waits. “It’s... going to be very hard for me to do that, I think.” 

“Kara, you are my only friend in National City, I worked overtime for you, I take you out to lunch and dinners and there are rumors in the tabloids that we’re dating.” she said, seriously and offering a little smile. “I think you’re doing the connecting thing pretty well so far. Even though I’m constantly worried about my last name being associated with you, now I know... the enemies are basically the same people you face.” 

“Lena, what triggered my crisis with you is exactly that, I felt myself slowly approaching a connection with you, something resembling it and I...sort of panicked when people tired to kill you.” she sigh a little bit. “that’s...the part i might struggle with if I’m honest.” she chuckles. 

“Just to break the sweet moment, I would like to argue something with Lena here.” Alex interjected, raising her index finger. “I would seriously be okay with us being friend, Miss Luthor.” she said with a little smirk. “I mean, I saved your life and then you saved mine... then you saved the city’s alien population and...my sister.” she run her finger over Kara’s back. “I like having exceptional friends around, so if you’re willing, I’m offering.” 

Kara was smiling brightly, all of her worries about her sister were slowly fading, all of her worries about Lena as well, she took them both into her arms and hugged them to herself. Lena gave Alex a silent nod as she tried not to show too much tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if you're feeling suicidal and alone, please consult a specialist, call a hotline. Someone out there will miss you.


End file.
